Hallway

there I was in the middle of the flood of people rushing to leave this place of learning,
a hallway filled to the brim with souls running to find solace in the present,
but nothing made by man seems to help,
feelings bottled up like students waiting for friday,
beg to be loosed on friend and foe, a kiss and a fist,
the corridor feels empty and hollow as a cardboard tube I want to yell through,
but can’t because I receive an echo twice as loud,
tearing my head and heart to pieces in guilt,
there are people to be seen and answers to be shared, stories to be told,
but I curl up and reject the life of correspondence,
because I will need to depend on others and have to trust them,
just like my savior did when he handed me his mantle and told me to make disciples.

I Want to Tell You

I want to tell, tell you,
I want to be the one to,
Tell you what I’m living for,
I want to tell you of the door,
From what life does explore,
I want to to tell you of my dream
But when I try, I always scream,
Because this life is more than it seems

I Want to Tell You (Two)

I want to tell you,
I want to be the one to,
Tell you what I’m living for,
I want to show you the door,
From this life to so much more,
I want to tell you my dream,
But when I try, I always seem to scream,
Because this life is more than it seems,
And I can’t find the words to say,
Of Who I want to tell you of this day,
I look at all the mistakes I make,
I look at the things I take,
How could someone love this fool,
Let me see through this thick wool,
I want to want to be the one to tell,
I want to be the one, and well,
The time never seems quite right,
But these feelings are so hard to fight,

Only a Fool

Only a fool could love this human,
If that is what I am to be raised to,
Ignoring the obvious necessities of life:
Hope, grace, faith, love.
I see my fellow people running in the fog of life,
Fog horns sound, the water rises
Is there a life raft, someone to save me?

No one could love a loser with their whole heart,
No one like you has been or ever will be
Like you. There is no one.
That is why I serve you and not me.
I want to be more like you.
Put my passions aside for your remedy.

Armchair

I site in an armchair with my head in my hands,
If this is the way You want it, I’ll never understand.
I know things aren’t perfect like You are,
But I’ve felt Your presence and wished everything afar.
I want to cloister in a hayloft with all of Your Creations out of my mind,
I would do more than dream but I can’t seem to find the time.
No one offers me any wine or a valley full of grass
To lie on and forget and pass the flask.
I do not know what is out beyond the shelter of this loft
It is hard to resist going forth when you are down low and the music’s soft.

The Big in the Small

When you left I never quite understood why,
The wind picked up and clouds filled the sky,
And I just don’t understand and can’t see,
When fortune happens upon the fortunate and not me,
Now I have been doused with a thought or two,
That the one who gives me hope is you,

You always find the big in the small,
When I threw you out, you still loved me and I saw,
By your thread of love you sowed my sore,
And now I am sure it is only you I want to live for,

I see myself running up the same path that’s pretty steep,
And I am getting lonely here on this course, I cry before I sleep,
Doing the things I want, and now they’re getting old,
I want to return to the strong hand that I used to hold,

You always find the big in the small,
When I threw you out, you still loved me and I saw,
By your thread of love you sowed my sore,
And now I am sure it is you I want to live for,

You Already Have

I blink to realization of the reality,
I yawn dreading the morning sun,
Another day with all its imperfect things that walk and talk,
Including me.
I expose my selfishness, haphazardly,
Hurting the One I care most about,I never will be perfect at least I can’t make myself that way,

But I want to be, but how?
I scroll myself with three little words, "Prayer, study, and action."No! I scream and kick mentally,
Entangling myself in the world’s web of distrust.
Distrust in myself.
Silly faces try to conquer or evade my lull and pondering,
They try to cover the bandages with temporary gauze,
But it is I that need to heel. What bandage can do that?
I cannot even stop the bleeding of my heart’s lamenting,
How can someone else or something?
I swallow and sometimes get angry at those cheering,
Jeering, unknown, at my lull of promise,
Promise of a Goal that is right.
If I just understand it all I plead.
Tell me. Scream at me. Show me.
But You already have, haven’t you. . . .

I’m not Sure

I am an untapped well,
I live by virtue, if virtue is in me,
A harlequin to the sensible,
Like machines computing schedules at will,
I fall the most, but I can jump the highest,
Paradox, I am, but with cause, if realized,
Innocent, I am not though I dress like a child,
Feed me, I will NOT be content,
I crave attention but only at pivotal moments,
Where are my brothers?
I cannot find one. Are they all lost?
Good that they be alone, so not to waste time,
It would be more than scary, unnerving, for me to be in my own kind.

Environ Mental

We empty trash bins as we plug into our compact dumpsters;
Noise, interference, swarms over my eyes and ears,
Women dance for our senses over pools of cents,
The acid rain floods our former friends in our hate,
The community’s landfills grow and infringe on our families,
Brown, white, and red cirrus clouds blow in the wind above,
Consuming lovely trees and faithful fish; each keeping hope that
Not all paper, glass, and metal will be thrown into the final Pit.
Listen closely, the moans of garbage men arise,
Someday they will picket and away we’ll fly.

Lone Me

Escape to the world of me,
I don’t think you would like it,
Living in another home that’s not your own,
But I am so lonely,
Please make the bad things go away,
I don’t like them, they hurt me,
Even just thinking of them,
Solace is on the horizon,
If I just had the courage to reach out,
And grasp it, like a thorny ball,
I am hungry for something, starving, but food won’t fill,
I am the only person who is me,
I am so lonely,
I wish angels could talk,
Maybe they would be worth conversation.
Do I really need to listen to your mumbling?
You have to be a friend to have a friend,
I chide my lonely self
Burning bridges or canceling their construction,
From island, I, to the mainland,
Throws a millstone or despair around my neck,
The glass is empty and the girls have all found better jobs,
The first Band-Aids inside out, the other outside in,
But no cure breaks the surface,
Only temporary bandaging with dirty gauze,
Oh, no! I might get an infection,
Maybe if I hate myself I’ll die,
That’s not a cure only a postponement,
Suicide is a rain check until the storm comes,
Dawn is somewhere, but all I see is night,
And no stars at that!
Someone says Dawn is behind me,
If I would just,
Stop. Turn. And face the Sun,
No preparation is needed.
No birthright or station preceded,
Just submission. The hardest thing.
Trust. Hope. Love.