You Already Have

I blink to realization of the reality,
I yawn dreading the morning sun,
Another day with all its imperfect things that walk and talk,
Including me.
I expose my selfishness, haphazardly,
Hurting the One I care most about,I never will be perfect at least I can’t make myself that way,

But I want to be, but how?
I scroll myself with three little words, "Prayer, study, and action."No! I scream and kick mentally,
Entangling myself in the world’s web of distrust.
Distrust in myself.
Silly faces try to conquer or evade my lull and pondering,
They try to cover the bandages with temporary gauze,
But it is I that need to heel. What bandage can do that?
I cannot even stop the bleeding of my heart’s lamenting,
How can someone else or something?
I swallow and sometimes get angry at those cheering,
Jeering, unknown, at my lull of promise,
Promise of a Goal that is right.
If I just understand it all I plead.
Tell me. Scream at me. Show me.
But You already have, haven’t you. . . .