Handful of Jacks

Someone threw out a handful of jacks out onto the floor
They landed and stayed and will stay in my mind,
But will finally fade over time like cubes of ice.
I walk down the hallway filled with them
I couldn’t choose which jacks with their sharp spikes would gouged my soles
Or which with their spheres of metal would massage my instep.
She died, he sung, she won the TV, he danced, she had fun.
The memories and the sentiments wavering from good to bad
Blurred by the highs and depths, a microcosm of life.

The afternoon after is more awake than I am.
It seems like Saturday, because there were no church bells.
I was asleep this morning re-thinking the previous night.
Things were not like I wanted them to be
Maybe that is what I need to see.
I looked for a lesson and a silver lining all night long
When my mind and beliefs disagreed with the song.
I was told that you and you over there had a good time
That is great, but I want more I guess. Is that wrong?
The girls danced in the dark in shining dresses
They danced with each other. No man had the courage or will.
I thought I did, but I was disconnected, and I don’t know why.
My conscious battles with my want of fitting in and the want to please
I am so out of place. Yes, I am.