People Scared

i’m scared
seems like it would be easier to die
then to stand and be told to sit down
when it takes great demand to reach out and make a call.
it may be the wrong number. it may be right,
either way – what do I say, I ask my brain
while it scratches the skull
looking for topics to discuss with friends
is it really this bad?
i step back and sigh at my stress
it is just people
i remind myself
if this wasn’t so hard
my life would be a breeze

The Drama

When the drama written by the priests of prime-time
convincing me of Your love
more than Your "chosen" one’s pleading, bleating, and beating Your book against the side of the podium, on the other side of the glass.
I cry out, "Save me from the wretched hole of dung I’ve dug!"

Waiting for the right time, Your time, leaves me complacent.
"What if I Stumble?" I ask with knees green and brown.
I began to love the dirt
But a messenger gathered me in its arms and told me
I will be happy in the end.
Good, yes, You are. Doesn’t do You justice
Like I don’t.

Today will not last forever

The day will not last forever
like the willingness I once said
I would give totally in devotion to our Almighty.
The day was perfect, picturesque,
Yet the birds fly; must be a film.
I am not an actor and she not an actress.
No camera crew or director is near.
Just us along the beach with the waves
and each other whispering.
Close enough to breathe on
Close enough to not worry about bad breadth.
Today was ours and the quartz shook rapidly on my arm.

When You Wonder

Waking up late, nanos past noon,
I cannot read the news
Without thinking of you.
Reading of speakers promising world change,
Passing over stocks–another’s future,
Gazing at worn, torn countries far away:
Children crying, children gesturing guns.
Have these politicians, companies, and atrocities changed me?
No! Nothing compares to you.
When you wonder what your impact,
think of me because I think of you daily:
More than history’s makers and shakers
shaping my children’s textbook.
For I am a story–
lesser known but
made and shaped by you,
Mom and Dad.

All the Truth

I cannot know all the truth
Like I cannot hold all the air that we breathe in my hands
Both are needed to live fully.
Lies lead to the collapse of trust:
I think my next store neighbor will kill me.
I will never know all the truth
Like I will never contain God in a box.
The truth cannot be contained be prison walls and authoritarian wardens,
Because truth leads to the collapse of barriers.

The View from the Hill

I wish there was a valley
that was never foggy.
I wish there was a hill
that I could see forever from.
I wish there was a free ride
to the top to the summit.
I wish there were no coins to pay
for the knowledge I gain
on the ride up
I wish I could give a quarter to a friend
And pay his way.
On a make believe ski lift to the top
But alas, there is no hill
And the passage is not free
Time pays our way,
And there is no fog free valley anyway.

Lord, light my path,
With fog lights in this dim slough,
So I may journey up the final hill for free
And see all below my prior journey me
Standing up next to You.

If it were You or Me

Every sad heart without You
Saddens me, but I pull myself closer
and tighten my embrace of your hand
I ask myself if I would drop in a moment’s notice
if two prodigals ran into their father’s arms
I do not know if that is what I’d choose,
But it doesn’t matter.
One chooses to run from unconditional love
Themselves: their lonely proud self.

Make Me Alive

As I turn the switch on the same lamp to light my writing
in the same room I wrote before and played games for hours,
I think of the bed made just for me by someone who cares
and wants to give me the best.
I look at the lost souls running. They don’t know where to,
but they are going faster than me. I want to be alive.
Make me alive.
When I remember five-week-old friends and how I forgot
to tell each one how much God love them,
When I see the deep tears of a heart scratched by a cat
that always seems so far away.
I am scared I might not like her if I were comforted everyday
by those lovely paws.
I feel so alone and so dead.
Make me alive.

Latex for the Heart

If they made latex for the heart,
my intoxicated blood wouldn’t poison my brain
reminding my heart its loss.
Dousing suicidal flames with alcohol,
sinking lower in my lazy-boy laughing lethargically,
I can’t remember her face–left before I woke,
took plenty of me, lost forever.
She’s penetrated my life and I can’t take me back.
Her silhouette as I looked up into the overhead light
haunts my haze of last night
hanging loosely between my neurons.

Said I’d make some friends,
but only stares and grins
behind hand-cupped mouths;
too proud to ask the cheerleaders giggling
beside their boyfriends’ lockers.
Don’t want others to remember more than me:
Nothing. First time stomping on the pedal, I crash.
Just want to start over before I’m not worth starting over.

Irresistible

Irresistible –
when you smile
and no one is around.

when the hair falls
over your brow
and you look at me

when there is no noise
in the other room
to tell me another is home

when I imagine me
running and diving
into you, my love

when I grab the counter
tightly in my grasp
holding me back–

Irresistible-
when you smile
and no one is around.