Admit

I am limbo. Centered mainly around my future.
I reached the first goal of caring, but what good is it,
If I never reach home, for there will not be points scored,
I want to change and rearrange the view of others,
To what I think it should be. More informed defiantly.
My view of course diffuses through this course,
Of independence of the world,
And dependence on the First Word,
I don’t care sometimes and get frugal with my time,
No love here. It left the other day when I was born.
Ha! I get what I deserve, but how do I tell others,
That there is another way to walk the path while your hearts beats,
No imagery comes to the surface,
No easy painting break into the mind,
The price is simple but large,
I don’t want to pay,
I want to do stuff my own way.
I don’t want to become one,
But want to influence them,
Trust means spending time and shared experiences,
I realize this but won’t accept or recognize,
This, I wait in a sleep dreaming of something better.
A better place that likes me more, but mostly likes
Itself better. Or at least I think it will.
I dread the morning which exposes my selfishness.
I expose my selfishness haphazardly,
Hurting the One I care most about